Wrestle With God

One of my little sisters finally got a flickr!!! Now I can see her photos :)

I was looking at them though, and they made me cry. She's gotten so much older in such a short amount of time. I'm missing seeing her growing up, and that hurts more than anything ever could.

A Day Late

Every single day feels identical.

Where is the spark of life?

I'm only 14, don't tell me I've lost it already!

Strange Times

I've decided to break up with my boyfriend. I don't want a serious relationship where we tell each other "I love you" and text each other all of the time.

I just want a typical teenage relationship. Go to the movies on group dates, hang out at the park together.
-With the way things are, I feel like I'm being smothered.

He's such a nice guy, so it'll be extremely difficult to break things off. I think I'll use the long distance excuse. You see, he lives half an hour away. So I'll ask to just be friends, which I do want to be.

I just can't go on with this! @_@

The Word

Have you heard? The word is love.
-Todays topic is just that. Love. The most complicated four letter word in the history of everything. I kid you not.

My boyfriend knows that I think the word love is much too overused. And has observed that I will probably not be saying the L word to him for a while.

We've been dating for about 3 weeks, and he has decided to use it. Officially. As in, he really means it.
-Somehow I doubt that he does.

No one EVER means it.

My parents used it to death, and then when I was 3, the love between them somehow vanished, and I was thrown into the chaos of divorce and a custody battle, the dust of which did not finally settle until perhaps 4th grade.

"Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight."
-I'm Looking Through You, by The Beatles

People just don't fall in love in 3 weeks. They just don't. I don't know if I will ever truly be in love. That's my take on "the word".
-What's yours?

Indiana

Did you know that all of my posts with titles, have titles that are song names? ALL of the post titles are song names. Promise. :)

My daily thoughts have been circling video games. Boys and girls, what do you think of first person shooter games?

Personally, I don't condone violence, but I think some of the video games are fun. For example, the zombie mode in Call Of Duty 5 is fun to play. I'm not obsessive about video games, but if someone invites me to play them I'll play them.

So... are they:
Evil/innocent/fun/boring.

What are your thoughts?

Forget It

I woke up at 8:30 this morning, but I went back to sleep.
-And slept for 3 more hours.

I think this is because I was having the best dream ever, In my dream, I was hanging out with two brothers who used to be my best friends. They were the best friends I've ever had.

When we were little, we were a total triad of best friends for 3 straight years, it was awesome. Then they moved across the country. We slowly lost communication and for a long time I didn't hear from them. Then a couple years later they moved back. But all of us were to shy to approach each other, because we didn't know if the other would still want to be friends. Things had changed.

Or at least, that's how it felt for me.
-So for a year, we avoided talking to each other and in all honesty, it was pretty awkward. Then I moved.

I now live in the neighboring city of where they live, so close but yet so far. Every day I regret not making the effort to get to know them again. I searched their names on myspace today, and the mood for one of them was "depressed". I'm worried. I don't know what to do. I wish things could be different.

I wish my dream could be real.

I miss the way life was two years ago! Can I have it back?

Please???

I am so tired of not being able to sleep simply because I left things at "what if".

I Can't Decide

For a long time I was single. Then a friend of mine introduced me to one of his friends.

This friend's friend and I began talking more and more. A week or two after we had been introduced, he asked me out and I said yes because we have a long list of things in common. But he lives in a different city than me, and now after dating him for a couple weeks I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

I don't like feeling vulnerable. I don't like feeling like I might like someone more than they like me. I don't like feeling tied down.
-And I admit that that's kinda messed up. But it's true.

I think my parents divorce permanently distorted my perception of what love and relationships are. I feel lost right now, and I need someone to guide me back.

But that's what my boyfriend should be. A best friend, ready to help me see through the fog. Right?

I have no idea. :/

I'm unhappy being single, I'm almost as unhappy having a boyfriend. This is too much confusion.

Look Into The Air

I may go practice guitar for a while because I have a lesson in several days. Between now and then I have to memorize open chords, roots for E and A, a solo, and practice a new song.

AGH!!!

I'm feeling hyper since I haven't gone to the gym today. O_O
I don't know how I'll get to sleep tonight.

Float On

2009 was undoubtedly the worst year of my life.

But I am going to Float On. Because if I don't, I'll sink. And sinking gets you nowhere.

2010, I'll be nice if you are.